The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
