My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Say something about gay babies.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize