I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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