I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
