i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
