i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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