Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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