i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Randomize