peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
