You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Fuck appropriateness.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
