Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
