we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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