im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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