If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
