My cat gives me a boner
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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