Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
sex in a hospital.. check
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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