It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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