Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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