dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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