Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
