dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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