Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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