if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
