just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
