so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Two words: blizzard sex
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize