$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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