OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
