I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
