Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
