i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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