So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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