My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
