Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
