HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
