I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
