with your own penis?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
