Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
