She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I love you. Go after that dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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