the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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