Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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