I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
