this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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