Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
