Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
