If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
