Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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