Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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