What a fucking waste of an outfit
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
