do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
