from now on my penis is your penis
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
